Blackpool Congress 2019

reviewed by Lumpy Kustud and Dim Parcio

10 March 2019

Lumpy Kustud:   Ah, Blackpool!  The annual pilgrimage!  The ritual of a weekend on the Lancashire Riviera in March with the rain bucketing down, the Mistral howling along the Promenade fit to blow you over and the sea-spray enough to go pit-pat-splosh-CRASH against the windows of the hotels on the other side the Prom.  Quel plaisir!

Dim Parcio:   Ok, Saesneg, so you don’t think much of the place.  As a Welshman I agree with you.  But you shouldn’t run it down – it’s part of your own seisnig country.  Where’s your patriotism?

Lumpy:     It’s not my country.  It’s Lancashire.

Dim Parcio:   Ynfytyn!   But what about the chess?

Lumpy:     Ah yes, the chess!  Well there were lots of people there – nearly 400.  There were the Troglodytes down in the dungeons; there were the lucky ones on the ground floor and there were some reputed to be somewhere hidden away upstairs like embarrassing grandparents.

Dim Parcio:     Yes, yes,  but what about the Limewood players?

Lumpy:     Well there only 3 of them this year and they were all in the lowest section, the Standard.  It seemed a bit disorganised at the start – didn’t help that the Standard tables were all labelled ‘Median’.   But they were on the groundfloor this year.  That was a boost.  It was the Minors who were down in Le Voreux.

Dim Parcio:     Stop showing off!  I’ve read ‘Germinal’ as well.  But get to the blydi point, twll tin, how did the Limewooders fare?

Lumpy:     Well between them they scored something in every round.  Even if it was only a halfpoint bye.  Barry was our top scorer.  He won 2 games.  The others got 5 halfpoints between them – and 2 of those were from playing each other.

Dim Parcio:     Is that all you have to say?

Lumpy:     Yes.

Dim Parcio:     Did I ever tell you I got a fellow Welshman out of jail?

Lumpy:     No.

Dim Parcio:     I sprung a Leek.

Lumpy:     Moron.

Dim Parcio:     Cer i graffu.

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